Dear Pilfered Lunch-time Fork: We had some good times, you and I, during office lunch breaks and coworker birthday celebrations. Whether in the lunch room or at my desk, we ate many a waffle, pasta salad, and guilt-laced cake. Oh the cakes! Remember the cakes? And all those times the time we absolutely destroyed that [...]
So there I am, sitting on the bus the other morning, minding my own bee’s wax, when I notice the couple sitting next to me. As does the all male contingent sitting all around me, sporting many a scornful face and much eye rolling. See, the couple sitting next to me turned out to be [...]
You know what? Enough is enough. I’ve been ageist before and I’m about to be again. Except this time, I’m going after all those Crabby Ass Old People. Fucking toolbags. Seriously. It’s been a morning and I’ve had it with their janky ass bullshit. I mean, if you’re just going to go around making everyone [...]
I have a scone to pick with Starbucks. In particular, one Starbucks. Otherwise known as the Starbucks Coffee Shop of Lowered Self-Esteem. Seriously. Getting coffee at this one location actually makes me feel bad about myself. It’s sad because it’s true. This, of course, would also mean that it is the most convenient Starbucks for me [...]
Dear Upstairs Neighbor, You suck. I hate you. Also, you are a selfish and inconsiderate fuckwad. That’s right, fuckwad. You make me so angry that I invent new words in moments of utter seething as a result of your selfishness and inconsideracies. See? Another fake word. As much as I’ve obviously enjoyed being forced to [...]
Remember my pregnant friend- the one who’s pretty much been MIA since she got married and who had the Baby Couple’s Shower? Well, a week before I went to Alaska and found my true calling (to hug whales, of course!), there came a flurry of texts from her husband announcing she was having The Baby. I [...]
I have a new neighbor- I almost wrote “roommate” (although I live alone) because it kind of feels like he’s in the same apartment as me. Case in point, I know his comings and goings, when he’s watching TV or listening to music, when he’s exercising, what time he typically wakes up in the morning [...]
