Vacation is imminent (2 days!) and yet work is as crazy as ever and my immune system has succumb to whatever late winter/ early spring ass hattery sinus contagion I must have encountered on public transportation. And as an added bonus, I haven’t been able to eat solid foods for two weeks thanks to my unholy [...]
Each morning, I stand at the bus stop. Twenty minutes later, when the bus finally arrives, I board and a sea of black greets me. Black wool pea coats and puffer down jackets. Black berets and black gloves. Black dress shoes and ballet flats and knee high boots in black tights. Black trouser pants and [...]
I hate a lot of things. Besides the obvious things like Speidi, sex offenders, and people who do bad things to children, puppies and/or trees; I hate lots of random things too. So for lack of a more productive use of this Toolbag Wednesday, I’ve compiled a list for you, which also makes this the [...]
It really is never ending, people. And I just don’t understand it. I go to Victoria’s Secret. I get fitted for a bra (don’t get too excited boys- no nudity or boob fondling is involved), which is generally a sad experiment because each attempt seems to yield a different result. 32B. 34A. 34B. Triumph! They’re [...]
Oh, holy hell people. Try as I might to befriend them, Gap jeans hate me. I can hardly tell you how many years and salespeople I’ve burned through in my fruitless attempts to patronize that fine establishment. It’s fucking epic. Three states, two flagship stores, four sizing options, two inseam choices, and five denim wash [...]
Dear Jessica Simpson, I have some thoughts…. First of all, HI! Second, as your ever-so-slight elder, long-time fan, and candid witness to all events paparazzi, I feel it my duty to weigh in on a few key aspects of your career and personal life. Right off the bat, let me just say I very much [...]
“Hiii fffriend!” loudly slurred the beanbag throwing Drunken Mess in front of my building as I arrived home Sunday evening. Somehow, in the four or five foot width of the Old Style strewn sidewalk, he and his “bros” found room enough to bust out the “Cubs-themed” Cornhole. Four years I’ve lived here, four, and not [...]
