Thirty….as in 30!…did not shape up to be my parent’s “30.” Unsurprisingly, so far neither has 31. Not that I’m complaining. Because I’m not. I mean, just check out the majestic 30 Something life I lead… The other day, someone asked me what I did over the weekend. After thinking long and hard (TWSS), I [...]
Dear Pilfered Lunch-time Fork: We had some good times, you and I, during office lunch breaks and coworker birthday celebrations. Whether in the lunch room or at my desk, we ate many a waffle, pasta salad, and guilt-laced cake. Oh the cakes! Remember the cakes? And all those times the time we absolutely destroyed that [...]
You know what? Enough is enough. I’ve been ageist before and I’m about to be again. Except this time, I’m going after all those Crabby Ass Old People. Fucking toolbags. Seriously. It’s been a morning and I’ve had it with their janky ass bullshit. I mean, if you’re just going to go around making everyone [...]
I haven’t written in nearly a month. Instead of writing, I’ve been cooped up with my thoughts. I can’t seem to escape them. I can’t seem to articulate them. And I can’t seem to come to much of a conclusion except to say I keep feeling like life is passing me by. All around me [...]
Dear Upstairs Neighbor, You suck. I hate you. Also, you are a selfish and inconsiderate fuckwad. That’s right, fuckwad. You make me so angry that I invent new words in moments of utter seething as a result of your selfishness and inconsideracies. See? Another fake word. As much as I’ve obviously enjoyed being forced to [...]
Someone told me the other day that they thought I’d make a “great parent.” I have no idea what prompted this statement from them. One minute I’m nodding my head in mock-understanding of their child ferrying travails, and the next they’re envisioning me as a Mommy. They didn’t even buy me dinner first. GASP! Generally, [...]
Over the weekend, I was out running errands around the city and found myself in the Loop on State Street. If you’ve never been to State Street, then imagine a place where wandering homeless persons and panhandlers gather alongside packs of high school children loitering aimlessly. Now, add in hapless strollers being driven into unsuspecting [...]
