Thirty….as in 30!…did not shape up to be my parent’s “30.” Unsurprisingly, so far neither has 31. Not that I’m complaining. Because I’m not. I mean, just check out the majestic 30 Something life I lead… The other day, someone asked me what I did over the weekend. After thinking long and hard (TWSS), I [...]
Dear Pilfered Lunch-time Fork: We had some good times, you and I, during office lunch breaks and coworker birthday celebrations. Whether in the lunch room or at my desk, we ate many a waffle, pasta salad, and guilt-laced cake. Oh the cakes! Remember the cakes? And all those times the time we absolutely destroyed that [...]
Last week, my dear sweet mother manipulated me. She began her behest innocuously enough with a whisper into the phone: “Shhhh…don’t tell your father,” she said as I heard her hastily scamper into another room in the background and shut the door. “I have money I want you to take to your brothers when you [...]
You know what? Enough is enough. I’ve been ageist before and I’m about to be again. Except this time, I’m going after all those Crabby Ass Old People. Fucking toolbags. Seriously. It’s been a morning and I’ve had it with their janky ass bullshit. I mean, if you’re just going to go around making everyone [...]
I have a scone to pick with Starbucks. In particular, one Starbucks. Otherwise known as the Starbucks Coffee Shop of Lowered Self-Esteem. Seriously. Getting coffee at this one location actually makes me feel bad about myself. It’s sad because it’s true. This, of course, would also mean that it is the most convenient Starbucks for me [...]
Dear Upstairs Neighbor, You suck. I hate you. Also, you are a selfish and inconsiderate fuckwad. That’s right, fuckwad. You make me so angry that I invent new words in moments of utter seething as a result of your selfishness and inconsideracies. See? Another fake word. As much as I’ve obviously enjoyed being forced to [...]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
