Dear Upstairs Neighbor, You suck. I hate you. Also, you are a selfish and inconsiderate fuckwad. That’s right, fuckwad. You make me so angry that I invent new words in moments of utter seething as a result of your selfishness and inconsideracies. See? Another fake word. As much as I’ve obviously enjoyed being forced to [...]
Someone told me the other day that they thought I’d make a “great parent.” I have no idea what prompted this statement from them. One minute I’m nodding my head in mock-understanding of their child ferrying travails, and the next they’re envisioning me as a Mommy. They didn’t even buy me dinner first. GASP! Generally, [...]
I have a new neighbor- I almost wrote “roommate” (although I live alone) because it kind of feels like he’s in the same apartment as me. Case in point, I know his comings and goings, when he’s watching TV or listening to music, when he’s exercising, what time he typically wakes up in the morning [...]
Vacation is imminent (2 days!) and yet work is as crazy as ever and my immune system has succumb to whatever late winter/ early spring ass hattery sinus contagion I must have encountered on public transportation. And as an added bonus, I haven’t been able to eat solid foods for two weeks thanks to my unholy [...]
Sunday brunch found my boyfriend I being seated in one of those rows of tables that are approximately an inch apart from one another. Before we even sat down, he was giving me “the eyes,” as in “I-hate-everything-right-now-what-the-hell-there-are-four-empty-tables-over-there.” I myself was inwardly groaning at the piercing octaves emanating from the table beside us. Normally, one [...]
Remember this? And this? And this too? This is where I’ll be, topless and tanning, INSTEAD of playing baby games at that bullshit “Couple’s Shower.“ Oopsie. I’m sure that will go over real well. Sixteen days and counting!
I hate a lot of things. Besides the obvious things like Speidi, sex offenders, and people who do bad things to children, puppies and/or trees; I hate lots of random things too. So for lack of a more productive use of this Toolbag Wednesday, I’ve compiled a list for you, which also makes this the [...]
