Dear Pilfered Lunch-time Fork: We had some good times, you and I, during office lunch breaks and coworker birthday celebrations. Whether in the lunch room or at my desk, we ate many a waffle, pasta salad, and guilt-laced cake. Oh the cakes! Remember the cakes? And all those times the time we absolutely destroyed that [...]
So there I am, sitting on the bus the other morning, minding my own bee’s wax, when I notice the couple sitting next to me. As does the all male contingent sitting all around me, sporting many a scornful face and much eye rolling. See, the couple sitting next to me turned out to be [...]
Okay, I admit it. I can be a teensy bit overdramatic when it comes to being sick. But, then again, I’ve had some pretty janky ass illnesses (see: The Cough). So, when this past January found me rolling around in the dark in bed one night with side pain so severe I thought my appendix had [...]
You know what? Enough is enough. I’ve been ageist before and I’m about to be again. Except this time, I’m going after all those Crabby Ass Old People. Fucking toolbags. Seriously. It’s been a morning and I’ve had it with their janky ass bullshit. I mean, if you’re just going to go around making everyone [...]
About a week ago, I started getting a strange text message. One of those that is all “familiar” and such, but you have no idea who it’s from. Which is odd because I’ve had the same number for over 2 years now. Anyway, as odd as the text was, I ignored it and its strange [...]
I have a scone to pick with Starbucks. In particular, one Starbucks. Otherwise known as the Starbucks Coffee Shop of Lowered Self-Esteem. Seriously. Getting coffee at this one location actually makes me feel bad about myself. It’s sad because it’s true. This, of course, would also mean that it is the most convenient Starbucks for me [...]
Dear Upstairs Neighbor, You suck. I hate you. Also, you are a selfish and inconsiderate fuckwad. That’s right, fuckwad. You make me so angry that I invent new words in moments of utter seething as a result of your selfishness and inconsideracies. See? Another fake word. As much as I’ve obviously enjoyed being forced to [...]
