We used to live in that building…

My ex wore a scarf just like that when we first met…

I had my picture taken once between these bookshelves on a summer afternoon…

I want to but can’t…that movie sing-a-long was “our thing” and now it’s “sacred”…

I walked down this street the night before I left for good, sobbing my eyes out the whole way…

This is the doorway through which we first walked together on our first date…

There are so many things I remember. Things that I miss. Things that I do not. Things that have left their mark. An imprint. On this city. On me.

Live in a place long enough and you’ll be bumping into ghosts at every turn; board the bus with them, grocery shop with them, get coffee with them. Order take out. Pick up the dry cleaning. Look at art. Pay bills. Ride bikes. Window shop. Return library books. Nod along to some band. Drink your drink. The whispers of a life lived with someone else, whispering to you each step along the way.  Ghosts of loves past.

I remember…

I used to…

Once I…

That used to be…

I let myself be whispered to now. I no longer fight it as I once did during the break ups of my twenties. Now, I feel no stab of regret, remorse, sadness at the memory. Very well, come along then.

There is detachment, yes. Acknowledgement of the place and memory as one would note the color of wall paint. Matter of fact. That has happened and now this. More than that, there is respect for what was, for who that person was, for who I was.

I have loved, been loved. My heart doesn’t quicken to know it. My eyes remain dry. Dull acceptance. Things that were but are no longer. Places that hold memories but not pangs.

I am alone. And never much lonely.

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I’d been wanting a dog for nearly a decade, but finally decided to make my lifestyle fit dog ownership rather than wait for it to happen as if by magic. It was no question that I’d be adopting a dog from PAWS’ no-kill shelter and every day I went online looking at all of the Little Faces posted there. Cute, cuter, and heartbreaking. I wanted them all, however, I wouldn’t allow myself to actually go to the shelter if I wasn’t prepared to come home with one dog that very same day.

So I waited. I watched as they began their 12 Strays of Christmas campaign on their web site, each day revealing more and more dogs (and kitties) available for adoption. And then, one day there she was. I saw this sad little girl with eyes that looked full of uncertainty and read her brief description and needs. I left work early and would not be dissuaded.

The shelter was busy that day and I had to wait for what seemed like an hour in the hall. I’d found her, somehow surreptitiously going straight to her room out of all of them. She was coded in their inventory as special needs (because she was so fearful) and I’d have to get their senior level person to unlock the door so I could finally meet her.

As family after family strolled by, she never once lifted her head from her dog bed. I worried someone would come to flip her sign alerting everyone that an adoption was in process. It was chaotic and I feared she’d go to the wrong person, someone who wouldn’t understand her and nurture her. Someone who would fuss at her and make her do endless tricks for the sake of tricks and complain when she just wanted to nap. Someone who wouldn’t name her after a much beloved, loyal, and motherly character in literature. Someone who would name her something empty like “Muffin,” “Doodle,” or “Cashew.”

When finally I was let in to meet her, she scurried over to me and hid against my legs as I sat on the floor. She curled in a ball, shaking. She wreaked, the fur around her face was unkempt and overgrown, and the rest of her was shaved bare with what looked- very unsettling in fact- like a rat tail. She had cuts along each of her paws and legs and kept biting at them. Her ears….I don’t think they’d ever been cleaned. Ever. As helpful as the volunteer helping me was, she couldn’t tell me much about Wendy’s history other than that she’d been a stray, had just been fixed, and was fearful of people with a tendency to nip if crated. Not exactly the stuff of dreams. But somehow, I knew.

I had 15 minutes with her before the girl was pulled elsewhere. They were adopting out 32 dogs and said I’d have to come back after they closed, maybe even tomorrow. But I refused to wait until morning.

Even though the volunteers didn’t know much about her from the five days she was in their care, somehow I knew I was the right person to take care of her. I didn’t know if she was right for me at the time- she was scared and didn’t show any personality- but I just knew I was right for her. As I look back on our first year together; if I had listed out everything I hoped for in a dog, I don’t think anyone could have found me a better match than my Wendy.

I wish I were rich enough to take her everywhere with me (because when you’re rich you can do that sort of thing and no one can say anything). Even still, we’re inseparable and I’d rather spend an afternoon on the couch at home with her than traipsing about the city in search of new adventures, shoe sales, or the latest opening.

I am so incredibly grateful for her every single day (even those days when she refuses to conduct her business in the rain, requiring me to walk her up and down the block for 30 minutes, soaking us both, and making me miss my train to work). And I’m grateful to PAWS for bringing her into my life, for saving her from Animal Control, and for seeing the possibility for something more for her and for so many dogs and cats not only at Christmas but year round.

I know not everyone is as lucky as I’ve been when adopting a dog, but I encourage you to consider a shelter when looking for your next pet. I know if I hadn’t gone looking that day, I might not have found my soul mate.

Visit PAWS Chicago’s “12 Strays of Christmas” daily now through Christmas Eve!

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But…

As I wile away the hours at work or on the couch with one Miss Wendy Lou Who, I know that this solitude is temporary. I’m getting out there and making more plans with friends again. I’m settling into my new place and figuring out what kind of kitchen table I want and where to hang things on the walls. I’m trying. I haven’t given up.

And as for boys? Well, I may be more cynical than is right or good for someone with my deep-rooted romantic longings, but I still believe in love. I may criticize, poke fun, question, doubt, and heckle; but underpinning all of that is the desire to be with my own special someone. To flirt. To catch his interest and hold it. To be kissed. To be touched. To tumble into bed. To feel love. To be loved.

And I will. This Christmas, I may be single again, but who knows where next Christmas will find me?

I’ll allow that such a sentiment may seem “hopeful,” but in fact it’s more simple than that. This single girl’s heart recognizes the inevitability that someone who wants to love and be loved someday will find it. Again.

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Well, to you I say in no uncertain hyperbolic terms, what is life without a turkey craft?!? And a LIZ LEMON turkey craft at that!

This year, my turkey is singing the theme song for Cheezy Blasters into her wine glass while working on her Night Cheese and shuffling along on a treadmill at 2 mph. Meat Cat and some teamster subs were good enough to make cameos! Thanks Meat Cat! (If you don’t know what any of this is referring to, then I don’t know if we can be friends anymore. Oh, just go watch 30 Rock!)

You're my hero, Liz Lemon!

Pinch crafting for Fancy this year was the tag-team crafting duo of my mom and grandma. From where I sit, both created equally disturbing and cracked out turkeys…

My mother: for her sudden can’t-miss-it interest in football and references to “The Game” and some Packer football player she called “Trusty.”

Football is stupid. The end.

And my grandmother: for her…um…well…just take a look and tell me if that shit isn’t cracked out. Is this what happens to us when we get old?

I have no words. No words.

I hope you enjoy our “craftiness” and that you had a fantastic Turkey Day!

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She takes after her mom in the "activity" department.

Okay, so maybe I’m not the most athletic of persons (I may have misspelled athletic before spell checking this post). And okay, sure, neither is my dog, Wendy. But, what better way can she and I support the local animal shelter than to participate in their 8K run/ 4K walk later this month? Yes, you read that right. We’re going to actually exercise…in the name of charity!

PAWS, for those of you not already familiar, is Chicago’s largest no-kill animal shelter and is where I adopted Wendy last Christmas. She was one of the dogs featured in their “Twelve Strays of Christmas” last December. The moment I saw her picture online with those damn inquisitive eyes of hers, the moment I began to brainstorm names for her, I knew I was going there straightaway after work. I can’t believe it’s been nine months since that fateful day!

In that time, not a day has gone by that I haven’t marveled at just how well suited Wendy and I are for each other. Besties! Soul mates! And not a day has gone by that I haven’t felt grateful to PAWS for saving her from the city’s animal control where she’d been taken after being captured as a stray. Some things really are just meant to be.

Together, Wendy and I plan to walk in gratitude to and in support of PAWS on September 25 in their annual fundraiser, Run for Their Lives. All money we raise will go toward PAWS Chicago’s targeted spay/neuter, innovative adoption, and community outreach programs. If you can, please support Wendy and I by donating toward our goal of $1000. We, along with the doggies and kitties of Chicago, thank you for whatever you can give.

Also, there’s going to be a costume contest and we will be participating! Right now, I’m thinking Snow White, but there’s also a cute sailor dress I have my eye on. I promise pictures to those who donate!

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The other day, someone asked me what I did over the weekend. After thinking long and hard (TWSS), I realized holy fuck. I had bacon on three separate occasions within 24 hours (on a burger, straight from the frying pan & sans eggs, and in my mac and cheese). I continued to think long and hard about whether to actually share this feat. Would it be worse to plead forgetfulness to hide my shame (“Oh, yeah, this weekend? I think I took a nap…or something?”) or proudly parade my inadvertent Bacon Fest 2011? Decisions decisions…

During the 20SB Summit, I found myself joking A LOT about being “grandfathered-in” to the community. Joking. But utterly serious. I belong dammit. Don’t you question me, you young whipper-snappers! Never mind that the term “grandfathered-in” bespeaks all things crotchety and old.

I now live in fear of the kidney stone redux that the Internet tells me I am 95% likely to experience in my lifetime. My fear is not so great that I will give up drinking tea or choosing soy milk however. 

I recently realized that I put my underroos on inside out. It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I shrugged and continued to wear them that way. I should add that this was the second time in a week I’d been bested by the challenges of wearing one’s clothing right side out. Holla!

During one of my awesomesauce insomnia bouts, I wound up googling “dog ate a silverfish now what” to find out if that’s bad. I went on to wonder if the presence (or previous presence as it were) of said silverfish on the tile floor meant that the dude and I are slobs who live in squalor. Are we “dirty people”? [BF: Yo, if you're reading this, don't answer that because we both know the answer but they don't.]

I am genuinely considering getting a red streak put into my hair later this week. Because, why not? I dye my hair brunette as it is, have for years, but am thinking it could use a little something. Like a streak of fire engine red! I mean, if you can’t dye a red streak into your hair at 31, when can you? #RedStreakFTW!

This conversation happened at work the other day…. Emo: “I can’t believe I showered for this.” Me: “Don’t worry; I didn’t.” And scene.

What can I say? This is what it’s come to….I’m clearly living The Dream. And my thirties? All they’re cracked up to be. Obviously.

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Wendy, modeling the versatility of Samsonite’s comfy, padded interior.

I’ve been commuting to my job for six years next month (umm, wow…really? Where have the years GONE?!), during which time I’ve put a number of bags to the test. I’ve tried the two-fer: the purse and work bag double whammy (too much to carry). I’ve given the messenger bag a go (not enough room for a change of shoes, lunch, and everything else without looking like I’m hauling a small child). Eventually though, I found a happy medium with the now ubiquitous Longchamp Le Pliage large zip-top tote bag (in Billberry and with the As Seen on TV Kangaroo Keeper to organize the gigantressness of the bag itself- can NEVER find my keys!).

But then a couple of weeks ago, I was given the opportunity to try out a backpack from Samsonite’s new line- although I have one of their pieces of luggage, which I love and would recommend, I wasn’t aware they had backpacks too. But oh do they ever (and FYI, they’re on sale here until August 31)!

When I began carrying the Samsonite Tectonic backpack during my daily commute, the first thing I immediately noticed was how freely I was able to get around, even running after the bus and hopping on an earlier train! Can you imagine?

Even though I’d loaded every inner and side pocket and zip-close pouch with my nomadic accoutrements, I found that the weight of the bag was more evenly distributed compared to my over the shoulder and messenger bags. In fact, I actually felt lighter and promptly demonstrated said lightness by evoking various “superstar” poses à la Mary Katherine Gallagher to the dude also known as my boyfriend. Over the top perhaps, but this bag single-handedly has made my 3 hour round trip daily commute easier and much less of a strain.

Aesthetically, I think this backpack fits within my lifestyle remarkably well. I find that the backpack is sporty while also maintaining a professional appearance. Some of the other backpacks I’ve seen people carrying around look like they’re part of an outer space program! Seriously, what is that all about anyway? Still other backpacks are a bit “much”- I’m only going to work, so why do I need to look like I’m heading out on a 12 day expedition to the Arctic Circle?  

This is certainly not one of those bags! It’s compact and sleek in black with grey padding and mesh fabric accents on the straps (it is available in three colors however). I particularly like that they chose orange for the thread, zipper pull, and logo accents. A small but nice touch that someone like me appreciates.

Overall, the zippers themselves are sturdy- especially the closure for the laptop pocket, the straps have a thoughtful rounded opening at the end to cinch the backpack to your shoulders and can be used to rest your thumbs in while walking, there’s an extra padded top handle, and durable utilitarian fabric (that withstood an accidental soaking after toppling under one of the automatic faucets in the work bathroom- long story).

Since I’ve completely made the switch to this backpack, I decided to “jazz it up” and make it my own with a few little buttons… one from CHIRP Radio (which I’ve become a bit of a groupie of thanks to the dude’s extensive involvement with them), a foursquare “swarm” badge because I’m completely addicted to checking in, and an ampersand that I picked up at Longman & Eagle during @bayjb’s birthday dinner last August because I liked it’s simplicity- though the food I decidely did not care for (Jess, can you believe it’s been a year already?). Of course, my most favoritest must-have accessory of all is Wendy. She loves the new bag too, and promptly fell asleep shortly after our photo shoot commenced.

Beyond using the backpack for work, I intend to put it to good use during upcoming bike rides (the new bike- I went with red- is here at last!), trips to the dog beach with Wendy (girl can’t go to the beach without her towel!), and maybe even to the @20SB Summit next week (I have no idea what to bring so why not everything?).

So tell me, do you commute to work? Take public transportation regularly? What bags do you like/ recommend?

**Please note that while Samsonite provided me with this backpack free of charge, my review and all of the subsequent opinions and recommendations contained therein are my own and given without compensation. I just like a good product when I see one! 

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