Nic Narrates

So I’m going to Bloggers in Sin City again- also known as Blogger Spring Break in my mind- and as part of the….actually, no. Let’s just get this over with. Hold please….

SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I’m done being giddy. For now. Sorry I’m not sorry.

….so as part of the registration process, you’re asked to list 5 things about yourself that others going to BiSC absolutely must know (check out my 5 and all the other amazing bloggers who are going here). I kind of struggled with my list again this year, but ultimately chose to keep it simple: Wendy, Anglophile, Wine, Liz Lemon, and Swearing. That pretty much sums up “me.” But, the more I think about it, the more I realize there are a few other things that I could have added:

1) I’ve always wanted to be a fireman. Like really really bad. One time when I was 8 or 9, I got picked out of all the kids in my class to be the one who got to hold the front of the fire hose during some kind of come-to-think-of-it-probably-unsafe firehouse relay race summer fun day we had at my elementary school. Except it never came to fruition because my parents packed my brothers and I away to Disney World in the back of our un-air-conditioned station wagon with wood paneling on the sides instead.

So…I guess I’m keeping that dream alive? In truth, I’d probably be a terrible fireman because no way could I climb up a ladder without freaking out about the height…BUT I’m not afraid of fire and am kind of a pyro when it comes to making one, I’m super good at making chili, I can drive like a mo fo so I’d be great at driving the fire truck (especially using the horn), and I’d be super awesome at taking care of the fire house’s Dalmatian (because I don’t care what anyone says, every fire station HAS A DALMATION DAMMIT). 

2) I recently upgraded my cable package just so I can get The Science Channel. For real. This conversation actually (or thereabouts) happened:

Me: “Hi. I’d like to pay you all of my monies to upgrade to whatever non-affordable cable package you offer that includes The Science Channel.”

Comcast: “Great! I can help you with that right now!”

Computer sounds: Bleep bloop beep bop bleep bloop bleep….

Comcast:“Excellent! I’ve upgraded your account and you will now have 387 additional channels that you’ve never heard of nor will ever watch, as well as The Science Channel!”

Me: “Fantastic! In HD?”

Comcast: “You better believe it! Best of all, it’ll only be $50 more a month for your preferred package!”

Me: “Ah snap! Now I will once again know How It’s Made, where Mantracker is, what’s odd on Oddities, and what Karl Pilkington’s Ricky-Gervais-Defined Bucket List amounts to! Yahtzee!”

And scene.

3) I’ve been a strong proponent of the use of the word “fancy” for a number of years now. In fact, I take an annoying ownership of its growing popularity. I started it all dammit! (You know, in the same way that Al Gore invented the Internet. Because yeah, that happened.) 

Please be forewarned: I will call you “Fancy” because in addition to its adjective properties, it is also my go-to term of endearment.

BTW- in case you were wondering, the opposite of “fancy” is “rural.” Which I can totally say because I grew up only a block away from corn and soybean fields. The worst. 

4) Last year, I was THE LAST BISC-uit TO LEAVE VEGAS. While I’d like to claim my love of BiSC as the impetus for this distinction (see: my full recap), the truth is a bit more dubious than that.

Remember the Joplin, Missouri tornado? That was happening while I naively waited out my flight delay by getting a pedicure in the Vegas airport. And then, all the flights east were canceled, including mine. For all my traveling, speed walking, and dialing savvy, I was unable to get another flight out…for TWO WHOLE DAYS. So I holed up at the airport La Quinta (incidentally the most expensive hotel I stayed at in Vegas, including the Bellagio!), dead broke, and managed to acquire I-can’t-leave-the-bathroom-for-more-than-30-minutes-altogether FOOD POISONING the night before my second attempt to leave Vegas.

When the time came to check out of the hotel, I was loaded up on Alka seltzer, Immodium, and Drammine. I managed to get through security without being wanded or detained and proceeded to the gift shop where I purchased more alka seltzer and a ceramic “Sin City!” mug in which to sip it over the span of an hour. There I sat at my gate in my jammies with my sunglasses on like some kind of Lohan-wannabe douchebag, smelling of sickness and financial insolvency, freaking out because in less than 12 hours I had movers scheduled to move me out of my apartment in Chicago and I was not yet finished packing. Which is when I saw the toe nail on the carpeting. Which is also when I felt grateful there was no longer anything in my stomach with which to react.

Here’s hoping for a less auspicious ending to BiSC 2012! And here’s hoping I’ll be the lucky blogger who wins the contest for one BiSC participant to go for free courtesy of Paperd, the prettiest little custom wallpaper app for the iPhone and iPod Touch (launching this February).

Filed under: awesomeness, blogging about blogging, creative time management, educating the masses, fanciness, hellacious fun by Nic