And Now, a Dialogue on Apartment Building Cable Monopolies
Tuesday, July 6th, 2010“Yeah hi. I’m calling because my monthly bill has increased $10 and I’m wondering why.”
“Let me just pull up your account…..I see you have our SUPER-DOUBLE-WHATEVER-WE-WANT-TO-REBRAND-OURSELVES-TO-COVER-OUR-INCREASE-IN-PRICES package.”
“Yup…same one I’ve had for the past nine months.”
“Right. Well, due to an increase in operating costs, I’m sure you can understand, we’ve had to raise our prices ever so slightly. I do see that, as a special thank you from us, you’ll receive HBO for the next six months for free.”
“Yeah, I’ve had that for free for the past nine months too. What if I just trade you HBO for my $10 back each month?”
“Are you unhappy with your services?”
“No, I guess not. I just don’t know what value I’m getting for $10 more a month.”
“We’ve recently enhanced our Internet speed….”
“Really? It’s working the same as before….”
“Well, if you want to upgrade to our…”
“No, I don’t want to upgrade. I just don’t see how I’m better off.”
“We can look at other SIMILARLY-PRICED-IF-NOT-MORE-EXPENSIVE packages if you…”
“No. You know what? No. Maybe just don’t acquire a network on its last lap around the drain (sorry 30 Rock, I still heart you) and stop hiring Don Draper to do your commercial voice-overs. Maybe then you wouldn’t have to raise prices.”
“……….”
“Well, not you. You know what I mean. Hey, are you still there?”
“Yes.”
“Anyway. So, $10 more a month?
“Yes.”
“GREAT.”
How the conversation really went….
“Hi, I’m calling because I keep getting cryptic calls from this number and want to know why.”
“Let me just check your information………..right. We’re just calling as a courtesy to verify your service disconnection request.”
“My what?”
“Service disconnection.”
“Ah, no. I didn’t request that. Don’t do that. No.”
“Okay, well, that’s why we have these sorts of calls! Hehehehehehehe…”
“Yeah, but you didn’t even leave a message or anything. Also, why am I even being called about this?”
“With computers these days you just never can tell. Somebody pushes the wrong button here and it comes out wrong there and….you know how it is. Anyway, I do see that you have our SUPER-DOUBLE-WHATEVER-WE-WANT-TO-REBRAND-OURSELVES-TO-COVER-OUR-INCREASE-IN-PRICES package.”
“Um, yeah. Just to be clear, I’d like to keep it. Again, do not disconnect anything.”
“Right. I also see that while your rate will be only $10 more a month, you’ll also receive HBO for six months for free as a special thank you from us.”
“Yes. Great. Already get it, but okay. Thank you.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you today?”
“No. Just don’t get rid of anything.”
“Got it. Thank you for calling OVERPRICED-REBRANDED-COMPANY-THAT-JUST-PUT-ONE-OVER-ON-YOUR-JANKY-ASS.”
“Yeah, okay, thanks. Bye.………wait, what? Ten dollars more? Hello? Hello? Ah, hell.”
Gotta love cable provider help! LOL! The ones here aren’t much better!
Aw man, I can’t wait to hear more about this. At least it’s only $10, I know it’s still $10 but still. Mine went up $40, that caused me to freak out.
The minute they said “$10 more per month,” I’d probably start on a tirade about how if their first name, COMCAST, wasn’t hated so much, they wouldn’t have to spend so much money on rebranding to their next name, XFINITY. Passing those costs onto unsuspecting customers who only wanted good service in the first place is uncalled for. Though, a post calling them out at their own game is fair play, as far as I’m concerned. =)