Belated Memory
Friday, April 2nd, 2010People have this unsurprising tendency to come and go from my life- how dare they! In truth, I recognize it happens to all of us. But it’s strange how all the quirks of your knowing them- all The Days That Have Meaning- go along with the person. Except that they don’t really. The memory of those days stays with you long after the person has gone.
I recently passed one of Those Days from my own past, only to remember it a full week later. I should note that I’m a “calendar” person and remember everything. I remember the day of first dates for nearly every relationship I’ve ever had. I remember birthdays of childhood friends who I haven’t spoken to in over a decade. I remember other couples’ wedding anniversaries. And yet, here now I forgot a day that changed quite a bit for me. In fact, very little has felt the same since.
Two years.
I’m surprised at myself, proud actually. I’m amazed and happy to have forgotten. The days spent remembering have become less and less frequent, less and less emotionally charged. Until one day when I forgot. It doesn’t seem possible that I could ever do so. I didn’t completely forget, I guess. But it’s a continued mark in the right direction, isn’t it?
I’ve been thinking about that in the days since I belatedly remembered. I wonder if the forgetting is a benchmark, a token, a watershed moment that means I’ve really moved on.
You found words to describe what I couldn’t. I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing too lately.