Tablemates
Monday, March 8th, 2010Sunday brunch found my boyfriend I being seated in one of those rows of tables that are approximately an inch apart from one another. Before we even sat down, he was giving me “the eyes,” as in “I-hate-everything-right-now-what-the-hell-there-are-four-empty-tables-over-there.” I myself was inwardly groaning at the piercing octaves emanating from the table beside us. Normally, one would recognize the girl’s screeching as laughter.
We sat down. We ordered food. We sat in silence. We looked about the room. We sipped our drinks. We talked about how sad the Whale Wars marathon on Planet Green was last night. We sat in silence some more. We eavesdropped- it was unavoidable!
The conversation next door was a runaway train of dating energy. The girl would NOT stop her “laughing.” She was overeager and it was embarrassing to witness her unreciprocated enthusiasm. While she dug and scraped at her Eggs Benedict with feigned interest in eating, the dude peppered her with a question here or there. He was polite, though douchey, playing it cool in that nonchalant way that dudes can affect whilst still wearing sweatpants. There were mentions of “last night” and, curiously enough, “one dollar bills.” There were references to high school and trips to DC. There was a brief swapping of future job interests.
Loudly, and not at all concerned for himself being overheard (because he couldn’t give a shit and is just as, if not more, judgmental than me), my boyfriend remarks more than asks, “What is this, the guy she picked up at the bar last night?” We both laughed and I thought,”I love you for statements like that.” Later, as we quickly wrapped up our breakfast and went about our day, the whole episode got me to thinking…
When you’re in the early stages of a relationship, when you’re still full of hope and joy and giddiness, before you’ve found that one thing that annoys the ever living fuck out of you; you look at couples sitting silently like my boyfriend and I and tell yourself you’ll never let that happen to YOUR relationship. Oh no. Perish the thought.
And then, when you’re in a relationship like ours and you’re sitting in companionable quiet, you mock and smirk at those fledgling couples with open disdain. You reflect upon their doings with genuine gratitude that you no longer have to partake in such put-on happiness and optimism and “oh, isn’t everything just wonderful, I’m never in a bad mood ever, I’m wonderful, like me like me like me!” Instead, you can just be.
I don’t know that one perspective is better than the other, but I’m content and grateful to be with someone like him, someone who I can joke around with and be all judgey and 100% me- annoying habits and bad moods and all.
In this case, the grass is always browner on the other side. =) I’m totally with you … there have been times when I’m out with my husband and we’re mellowly enjoying one another’s company and I’m quite certain someone in the room thinks we’re mad at one another or worse, stuck in a bad marriage. I always have a good, internal laugh during those moments.
On the outside, it’s hard to tell good silence from bad silence! Maybe the trick is to find that comfort right from the beginning. I would have asked to move, ha!
it’s true… there is that point in a relationship when there is good silence. comfy silence. sometimes i read too much into it, but most of the time, i know that this is just the natural progression of comfort with the man i want to spend forever with.
i so dont miss those mornings after, having to put on the happy face throughout brunch.
It occurs to me pretty regularly that I would be so hosed if I had to enter the dating pool again. So EFFING hosed.
I’ve been in that situation before and I had a different take on it: what is so wrong with me that I feel the need to jeer at other people’s dates?
The more I think about it, the more I’m glad to be with someone with whom I can share that side of me. I don’t have to pretend I’m this sweet little thing that doesn’t swear all of the time or think badly of anyone or anything. I’m catty. I’m bitchy. I swear and mock and, yes, even jeer. I used to envy my friends and acquaintances who weren’t like that- who didn’t SEEM like that. But I’ve learned to accept these things as part of who I am. Maybe that doesn’t make me a good person, but I don’t give myself shit about it anymore. And it feels really, really good to be with someone who loves me even with all of those “qualities.”