Well, Almost
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009It’s a reflective time of year and for me the end of the 00′s, as they’re calling them, not only marks the end of the decade but also the end of my 20s. I guess you could say it’s gotten me thinking.
Quite simply, I’m not at all where I thought I’d be as I approach 30. Naivety had me thinking I’d have found The One and have a house and kids by now. More than that, I can’t help but feel that my 20s were strewn with a series of “almosts.” I almost went to college to study writing at the University of Iowa’s famed program. I almost transferred from the college I did attend to study British literature abroad at Oxford. I almost lost everything to the darkest depression I’ve ever suffered. I almost didn’t get into graduate school. I almost attended the NYU Summer Writing Seminar to take a subsequent job in NYC. I almost got my Ph.D. I almost ended up with the wrong guy- well, maybe. I almost am out of credit card debt.
I have to wonder how my life would be different now if any one of those things had ever panned out. If I’d moved to New York, if I’d never been accepted into graduate school, if I hadn’t gotten a handle on my depression. Things- the day to day kind of stuff- could be so very different now.
Maybe it’s more curiosity than anything else that has me thinking these sorts of things. I guess we probably all play the “what if” game at some point in our lives. But I wonder if there isn’t a bit of sadness at some of the things that didn’t come to me in my 20s. Can I honestly say that I’m completely happy with where I am and with what I have now and that that’s enough for me? Is it? Is it really? And what does it mean if it’s not?
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