Wherever You Go, There You Are Indeed
Friday, October 30th, 2009What did I expect really? That we’d go on vacation and be better versions of ourselves together? Yes, actually.
After three days in NYC, smiles at Top of the Rock, dinner in the Village at The Little Owl, brunch at Tavern on the Green, a stroll through autumn tinted leaves in Central Park; I’ve realized just that. My boyfriend and I were exactly the same on vacation as we are at home. Same meaningless squabbles, same running jaded commentary, same pithy PDAs, same likes and dislikes. Same us, different city.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d allow this realization to lend itself to disappointment. “How was the trip? Did you have fun?” everyone asks. In reply, my answers are clipped and wooden at best. I really want to say, “Can you try back later?” Because I don’t know that I would actually say that it was “fun.” We have so many shared interests that it was…easy. Maybe it wasn’t a romantic, exotic escape, but it wasn’t a debacle of differing travel styles either. It just was, I guess. We went away. And now we’re back. The end.
In all honesty, I’ve been trying not to draw comparisons here. It’s unfair and faulty and creates problems where there are none. The unwise comparison being that the last man I racked up frequent flyer miles with, well, we were at our best when on vacation. Our traveling compatibility was epic, as was our drama-filled reality at home. It literally was as though we’d pack our bags only to leave all of our baggage behind. Still, no matter how great the vacation, there was always a reckoning greeting us at Arrivals. Well, that is until there were no more trips anymore.
All of that was nearly two years ago now and I haven’t done much traveling since. What traveling there has been I’ve done alone, and I think I’ve gotten used to, even warmed to solo travel.
So when I decided to plan a surprise birthday vacation- our first trip!- for my kind, thoughtful, but desperately unhappy with all things Chicago boyfriend- I tried to keep my excitement in check, both to match his own low key mindset and fend off any disappointment I might feel should things go awry.
Reflecting now on our first vacation, I have to say that even if we are the same people, the same couple, on vacation as we are at home; that sameness, that reality, isn’t something to disregard. Someone once told me that happiness isn’t captured in smiles, but in the eyes that match those smiles. Looking at our pictures from that weekend, I see it in his eyes and mine. A record in time. A happy moment, treasured memory.
Holding that close, I know that no matter where we may travel together, who we are at home is pretty damn good and certainly nothing to shrug off. More than anything, I’m grateful for that, for what we share day in and day out.
Leave a Reply