My S&M Relationship with The Gap
Friday, September 18th, 2009Oh, holy hell people. Try as I might to befriend them, Gap jeans hate me. I can hardly tell you how many years and salespeople I’ve burned through in my fruitless attempts to patronize that fine establishment. It’s fucking epic.
Three states, two flagship stores, four sizing options, two inseam choices, and five denim wash variations later; still no jeans. If the waist fits, the length is too long. If the hip and butt fits, the waist is too big. It. Does. Not. Work. EVER.
But when I heard tell of a new fancy premium denim line at The Gap this fall, my Gap Jeans Optimism was rekindled. Oh yes, we were off and running. I thought to myself, “Self, surely, surely your time is now.”
Determined to make use of their recent $20 off jeans sale at the end of August, I tried to nonchalantly approach The Jeans during a lunch hour. I even brought along GDF for moral support. She’s been an instrumental force in the purchase of a number of things, including but not limited to Julianne.
So, GDF and I fell into the Gap, where I proceeded to head straight for the denim section, optimistically thinking, “today is The Day.” I even acquired help from a friendly and reliable store manager. I zeroed in on the sexy boot cut and the real straight leg jeans, alas to no avail. I then turned to something known as “The Perfect Boot.” Yeah, the “Perfect Boot”? Not so perfect.
For all my optimism and all the salesgirl’s efforts, the jeans did not work. In fact, come to think of it, they somehow fit me so as to provide ample room for some man bits oddly enough. Huh.
Anyway, there I sat, defeated and discouraged, and without even so much as a snack. I may have brought in reinforcements, but I had gone in emotionally and mentally unprepared and it was time to pay the price.
I tried to console my hard-working sales gal as I handed the antique washed Pile of Failure back to her. I assured her that it wasn’t her fault, that she did everything she could, but that sometimes these things just happen. It’s outside of our control. I am clearly a freak of nature.
In the meantime, everyone else sauntered about the fitting room, enjoying the soon to be theirs affordable premium denim. Everyone else looked so cute and happy and carefree. La la la!!!! And then there’s me: Gap bottomless, shuffling along, without even the interest in going to Forever 21 or Sephora in consolation afterward.
Jeans shopping at The Gap is enough to drive me to drink.
ooohhh nooo!!
as a gap brand enthusiast (ha, im such a fucking dweeb with this), im sad to hear of your jeans shopping woes!
and i so get it! i do. even as a brand enthusiast and all their new styles in their born to fit line, i still had some issues trying to find, “the perfect pair.”
i had the same issues… too long, too much “gap” (no pun intended) in the back, too much room for junk in the crotch.
today im wearing the “long and lean” style– did you try them? they are PERFECT for me, and if you didn’t give them a go, i’d suggest trying ONE more time, if you have it in you. have a cocktail first and then shop the clearance rack- you’re bound to find SOMETHING! let me know!
We don’t have any Gap stores in my area, but I have the same problem with Old Navy (who is the same company family as Gap). I actually have a hard time finding jeans at all. They always pucker off the back of my butt. It is enough to drive a girl crazy.
Wow as a Gap enthusiast too, I’m shocked. Even as a petite girl with hips and a spare tire, I found the jeans are fitting much better now than before. I’m sorry you had a rough time
Bad jeans shopping experience can be so defeating. Don’t give up!
I ended up really, really liking the “long and lean,” but it doesn’t come in more than the “standard” inseam, so it’s much too long for me. I’d have to have it taken up a good 2 inches! Poo. BUT- I did end up settling on the dark denim wash “perfect boot.” It’s the closest jean to actually fitting me, although it is too short for my 4 inch heels. Oddly enough, the lighter wash doesn’t fit me the same. Bizarre.
I know everyone has mad love for the Gap, and all I can say is I really wish I could jump onboard, but Levi jeans just seem to be better for my body type. Thankfully, they don’t cost a fortune either!