Lost Friend Report: Last Seen As Bride At Wedding
Monday, September 7th, 2009
Just Shoot Me Now
Recently, my boyfriend and I decided (well, he kind of just came along because he’s good like that) to visit Mara and her husband. We planned to stay for one night, after which we couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there.
As he accurately and cleverly put it, he felt as though we were sleeping in the “wedding trophy case.” He had a point: 8 x 10 framed photos in black and white, 25 frame collages of their two faces in 25 different poses, various wedding “artifacts” strewn about. The only room that didn’t beat you over the head with their “Perfect Love” celebrate their apparent blissful wedded state was the bathroom.
Maybe this is just my jaded side coming out, but it turns my stomach. I realize it’s her choice and it makes her (allegedly) happy. I also realize that the friend I had before she was married is seemingly M.I.M. Missing in Marriage. Last known sighting: pre-wedding, maybe even pre-engagement. And, it would appear that the loss of her identity has been willingly given (it should be noted that he has fully kept his).
Mara, it turns out, is the kind of newlywed that is “all about” being married. It is the end all, be all for her. Oddly, she wasn’t this way before she became A Wife, that is to say she wasn’t gunning to get married. In fact, she was a bit of a wild child before she slipped into this form of Stepford wifedom, this domestic mindswap, this kind of identity-stealing vortex. She loves her husband, and God Dammit, that love is all encompassing!
I wish Mara didn’t take Marriage so literally, as in not only the joining of two lives but also the joining of two independent identities. Nearly each time I see her, it’s around her husband’s schedule, and more often than not I can’t spend time with her without also spending time with him. And while I do like him- he’s very friendly and kind, and he’s really the perfect guy for her- he’s my friend’s husband, not my friend.
They eat every meal together, they spend nearly every single night together, they grocery shop together, they watch TV together, they spend time with his their friends together, they golf together, ride Harley’s together. I mean, do they wipe their asses together too? If all this wasn’t enough, they’re “trying.” Which shocks the hell out of me. She hates kids, has always hated kids, claimed to never want any of her own. At their her wedding, she said they wouldn’t have any babies for another two to three years, if at all.
I know that everyone always says that nothing changes from the day before you’re married to the day after, and maybe that’s true, but I can tell you in this case it is decidedly not. She’s throwing away every shred of her independence, her ties to friends, even her own interests to be Married. Because I am not maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’d venture to guess that such extreme measures are unnecessary to make for a happy marriage. If anything, I could see them contributing to a lot of misplaced resentment and a mid-thirties identity crisis for one or both down the road.
I say all of this in a joking fashion. In actuality, it makes me sad. I miss my friend. We had fun together and confided in one another. And now I feel like a light has gone out. As her friend, where does that leave me?
Unfortunately, this seems to happen to a lot of people. If she doesn’t immediately have a child she might come around and regain some of her independence after the “honeymoon” of spending 24/7 with her husband ends. I mean, the guy’s not going anywhere, right?