Nic Narrates

Today is shaping up to be one of those days when I just want to punch someone. Say perhaps the lady “in line” in front of me this morning when I went to get coffee.

“EXCUSE ME! I was in line!”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Glares and shuffling ensued. It was every woman (or bitch) for herself. And as her Eyes of Hatred continued to bore into me, my face went hot and I got inordinately pissed. I mean, it’s not like I deliberately cut in front of the lady (who incidentally maybe shouldn’t have been ordering the Sausage McMuffin breakfast combo with iced coffee, oj, an extra hashbrown, a parfait, and a Cinnamelt). Of course Ms. I’m-Ordering-a-Breakfast-for-Four would be “in line” in front of me. Of course.

This is when I decided (because I apparently have STELLAR decision-making skills before 8 am and most importantly pre-coffee) not to leave well enough alone.

“You know, I really didn’t mean to cut in front of you…you were all the way back by the doorway. I thought you were just digging in your bag.”

“Well, I was. But I was still in line.” (She said “in line” without the ironic air quotes though. The hulking cow actually meant it.)

Jesus fucking Christ, I thought. And before I knew what I was doing…

“GREAT! That’s great! And guess what? YOU STILL ARE!”

She didn’t say anything after that. I stood there seething, even though I really had accidentally cut, and we both preceded to wait on her fucking family feast so that I could get my measly coffee.

In my mind, I imagined what she would have done if I had told her what I really thought. If I had said something like, “Well you don’t have be a fat bitch about it” or “Lady, don’t fuck with me.” I don’t know, something a little provocative.

Toolbag. Fat, bitchy Toolbag.

Filed under: city encounters, Fug, going postal, hateful, haterade, Just Another Day in Crazy, people should be nicer to each other, poor choices, so what if i scream?, things people say, toolbaggery, WTF by Nic