Nic Narrates

I’m in love, I’m in love! And I don’t care who knows about it! Internets, I tell you, I have my sights set on one thing and one thing in particular.

We first set eyes upon one another, so to speak, one lazy afternoon on the eastbound 152. There I sat in the back of the bus, squinting. Is that….? Would that be….? That’s something new, something I haven’t seen before, something I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I was looking for….but I’m not sure…no, it has to be. It is.

At the time, I wanted to lunge forward and ask the well-put-together girl (who also looked about as blasé as you can be. Bless her heart, she had what you could call an “uppity” air about her.) for more details. But, me being me, I’d rather not know for certain and trust my super sleuth propensities than give her the satisfaction of a compliment.

So instead, I sat there probably looking like a psycho stalker (or like 1 in 9 CTA bus riders on that route), taking mental notes of everything: studying the size and shape, proportion, tag details, and embellishments. Once home, it took me all of about four minutes to track her down online. And I was right. It was Coach! And it turns out my love’s name is Madison Julianne. Oh, how I pine! The whole episode has me feeling like Veruca Salt: I want it NOOOOW!!!

So what makes Julianne so great you ask? Well….(please refer to Figure 1). Julianne offers hybrid functionality through the provision of both a 30″ detachable strap AND two side handles, allowing her to be worn across the body, over the shoulder, or carried (she’ll even fit a laptop!). Swoon. If all that wasn’t reason enough to lust after her, the zip top closure, additional back zip pocket, internal multi-function pockets and lavender lining, not to mention the “lightweight Italian leather with subtle texture and polished finish” in silver gray folds of serene beauty…shhhh, let’s just take a moment to appreciate…okay, fine…has sent me into fits of angst-ridden admiration and longing.

I say “longing” because, alas, Julianne is one of those high class types. The last time I invested in her neighborhood was before I moved downtown and life got a lot more expensive, and well before I decided to do something about my college debt (seriously kicking that one’s ass these days!).  So, while I envy and lust after and can hardly think straight, I have to wonder…am I really ready to throw fiscal caution to the wind? Can I really justify- better yet, can Coach?- the purchase of a handbag that purports a less “accessible” price point in spite of the realities of the recession? And if it’s not irresponsible, is it tacky, or worse yet- insensitive?

Admittedly, these days I happily carry one of my cheap Forever XXI bags that aren’t even real leather but are big enough for…wait for it…an extra pair of shoes, an umbrella, my lunch, some make up, band aids and meds, a book, my phone, my mom wallet (Hobo Lauren clutch, natch), my glasses, sunglasses, iPod, various pens and other sundries, and no less than two kinds of gum and four kinds of lip gloss. It’s a lot of junk.

But, when you commute a round trip total of 3.5 hours- meaning you’re gone for a solid 12 hours each day- you effectively turn into a nomad. And as such, you’re ready for anything: sunshine, rain, a new zit, blisters, dry skin, chapped lips, hunger pains, a dry cough, annoying fucks on public transportation who won’t shut the hell up, and even some after work extracurricular activities. You have to be prepared for anything. Who knows when, or if, you’ll see daylight or home again?

Julianne seems to understand this about me. She seems to be just the thing to tackle all of my needs. And…she’s pretty! When I visited her at the flagship store (we clicked right away), she was just the right size to accommodate my nomadic lifestyle whilst refraining from making me look like a Sherpa (observe Figure 2).

I swear, as I stood there petting her and cooing, she whispered back, “I will make you happy…” and “Support the Economy…” but “Buy me online and ship to work in order to skirt the 10.25% Cook County sales tax.”

Julianne: sneaky, but oh so wise. And just my kinda gal.

Filed under: a thing of beauty, awesomeness, city encounters, fanciness, i heart fashion, in transit, public transportation by Nic