Nic Narrates

Recently, I was called, albeit in jest (sort of), vanilla. Vanilla. As in, yawn, “boring,” “blah,” “mundane,” “safe,” “meh.” Vanilla.

Vanilla.

Isn’t that, like, an insult or something? Isn’t being vanilla a bad thing? What is it supposed to mean if I’m vanilla? Am I? And if I am, would I be one of those fancy vanillas like the Barefoot Contessa uses? Would I be a rare form of vanilla bean, if there is such a thing? Would I be a French vanilla or a Dairy Queen vanilla? Are there degrees to being vanilla, to one’s vanilla-ness?

And if I’m not vanilla, what am I? Am I my own veritable 31 Flavors? Or am I more of a Neapolitan variety- a blend of three key flavors, one of which happens to be vanilla? Am I some seasonal exotic limited edition of awesome? Do I go well with coffee?

The whole thing reminds me of that scene in My Best Friend’s Wedding when Julia Roberts’ character equates Cameron Diaz’ character to crème brûlée. You know the one. Julia essentially tells Cameron that she’s fancy, uptight, high maintenance, but delightful. And then, conveniently, imbues her with the revelation that perhaps Michael (the fiancé with the would-be dessert problem), would rather just have no muss, no fuss Jello instead (i.e. herself). You’re ne-ver gon-na be Jello!

Sure, I’m no crème brûlée, but does that mean I have to be the Jello? Does that mean I’m boring ole’, “comfortable,” stand-by vanilla? Can’t I be something else?

There’s nothing extraordinary about vanilla, and I want to be extraordinary. I want to be memorable, distinctive, enticing. I want to be something like, yes, why not….dark chocolate. There’s still a sweetness, but it’s laced with a bitter edge- especially the really good stuff with the 60% cocoa. Not for everyone; precisely. Me.

Can’t I be dark chocolate instead? Pretty please?

Filed under: educating the masses, fanciness, hateful, I've got your "warm delight" right here, Just Another Day in Crazy, so what if i scream?, things people say, work in progress, you're a card by Nic