Nic Narrates

I walked from the train station this morning, humming a song to myself, smiling at the silly, obese, suburban office park geese, tipping my head backward, eyes closed, breathing in the sunshine. What’s the worst that could happen, my consciousness whispered into my ear.

I already know that excitement, the optimism of falling in love. Know what it means to wake up with a song in your heart, walk down the street with a bounce in your step. I know how it feels to suddenly find those words spilling out of your mouth- you’re saying them before you even know them to be true. It just is. And you love.

I already know too that corresponding heartache, know longing, yearning, consumption, burning, falling, breaking. I know what it is to want the very thing you cannot have. Know how it feels to be left behind, let go, given up on, lied to, cheated on, rejected, disregarded, abused. I know the pain of facing sad realities, and having to choose good bye.

I’ve known such unspeakable sadnesses, things I wish so desperately to unknow at times. But I’ve also known such uncharted heights, such unforgettable laughter and compassion. And here I stand.

Knowing both, I gave up believing in the kind of love everyone says is still out there; the kind that gives voice to poetry, inspires, creates. I gave up believing it was anything more than fiction.

Until this…possibility. I might touch it with my finger tip, might look it in the eye, might call it by name.

What’s the worst that could happen that hasn’t happened already?

Filed under: dirty laundry, in memory, just say 'when', knowing, letting go, people should be nicer to each other, poor choices, quiet desperation, singletons, this is now by Nic