The Whimsy, The Madness, and Me
Friday, March 27th, 2009At this stage in the game, I’ll pretty much go anywhere alone. Sometimes my friends are busy or working late (or think March Madness is stupid- GDF, I know you can’t help it). Sometimes plans change, people cancel, or you miss your stop and wind up somewhere you haven’t been before. Sometimes you just really want bay scallops- or at least I do. Sometimes you just let whimsy take you.
I’ll catch a play at Steppenwolf, an in-town musical, the ballet, the CSO, an art exhibit, dinner- whether it’s just Chipotle or Atwood Cafe, a Sunday matinee, even travel to great big cities and far away lands (Dubai, I believe we have a rendezvous). I’ll do it all alone. But I can’t seem to conquer the bar. It’s the one place that remains an enigma to me.
It’s a curious thing being a single girl alone in a bar. To walk through that door, sit down, order a drink, and then casually linger; I think it takes a sense of bravery that I struggle to posess. It also tends to invite the kind of speculation I’d rather not have tossed in my direction.
Maybe I’m waiting for someone, maybe they’re running late, maybe I’ve been stood up. Maybe I just really needed a drink- maybe it had been that kind of day. Maybe I was trying to meet someone, hoping for maybe something more. Or maybe I just really like college basketball and the TV Gods thought I’d rather see the all-but-foregone conclusion of Villanova whupping Duke rather than Memphis fruitlessly shooting three’s and breaking my heart.
I stayed just long enough to explain this to the bartender who seemed to begin to take an interest beyond merely keeping a drink in front of me. Last year, I found myself having a random conversation with a Ph.D. candidate from NC who was still blowing dry the ink on his divorce papers and seemed keen on my input into the gift he planned to bring home for his four year old daughter. Oh my. Been there. Done that.
I walked home alone that night and again last night, breathing a sigh of relief in the hallway of my apartment as I locked the door. I don’t think the single girl alone in a bar thing will ever come easily to me.
It’s a curious thing for a guy to be alone at a bar as well. Just the other night, I went to a show a Schubas, arrived a bit early, so ordered a beer and just stood there. It was extra awkward cause there was nowhere to sit, I had to just stand there in between the bar (full of friends and couples) and the tables (also full of friends)
At least there was a hockey game on a TV that I could pretend to watch, and I had my phone, so I could pretend to be getting texts.
You kinda feel like you’re standing there naked. Thank God the show started soon. Then everything changed. I find being at a show alone completely liberating.
Just not a bar without a chair. If I could have just sat at the freaking bar, I think I wouldn’t have felt so stupid.
I think it depends on where you are. Well… ok… no it doesn’t. A woman alone at the bar sadly gives men the sudden urge to be stupid.
Oh… and Go Carolina! I miss Chapel Hill.
I don’t think it’s something you “conquer”; going to the bar alone is just something you don’t do, regardless of gender. It wouldn’t be some kind of triumphant accomplishment to go feel comfortable at a bar by yourself. Restaurants, plays, sure…that’s part of the cultural experience. But bars? No.
Also, don’t tell your mom you go to bars by yourself.
I have issues with the “alone at a bar” thing, too. Only my issue involves when I see my friends out at a bar (which is the reason I go in the first place, to see people I know!) and they don’t see me with a guy or my bestie and they immediately ask, “Who did you come here with?” and I have to say, “No one.” They always look at me like I’m some pathetic excuse for a human. Just because I didn’t bring eight friends with me doesn’t mean I don’t have friends!
We are very opposite in this regard. Going to a bar by myself doesn’t bother me at all, but eating dinner alone at a restaurant makes me incredibly self-conscious. If I don’t have someone to go with, I’ll stay home. But I do love going to the movies by myself. It’s a beautiful thing.
I can completely relate to this. I have conquered movies alone, dinner alone, but bar alone? I cannot do. I always feel as though people are thinking “look at that poor girl, stood up and all alone”, which is silly, because a)what are the chances other people even notice? and b) I’m awesome, why would I be getting stood up? So don’t feel you are alone with this, I’m right there with you. And if I lived closer, well you can bet your ass we would be going to the bar together!
Ashton Likes- See I always envy guys their ability to pretty much go anywhere without the “why are YOU here?” eyes. But, what do I know? Apparently, even guys get that feeling too. And I know what you mean about the everybody’s paired up bit. I used to go to Gen Art events in the city and that’s EXACTLY how it was. Cliques everywhere. And pretentious as hell. Fail.
m ward- You’ll be happy to know I have them winning the tournament, even though I’m partial to the poor Zags.
K check- You’re such a good friend to worry about me and scold me in my mother’s absence. I promise it’s only a March thing.
LRC- Don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes I think your friends should be nicer to you.
Kate- It can be difficult to eat dinner alone too, but I tend to like people watching and have learned to fend off questioning glances with smiles.
brandy- It’s probably exactly like that: people probably don’t really notice or care and it’s all in our heads.
I’m enamored that you’re into March Madness. Gotta love a girl who’ll watch sports with you.
And you’ll love Dubai. Great city.
YHS
In my younger days I would go to dinner and movies solo. The bar was always fun if I was meeting someone later (and I would go early). Now that I am married and have a 2 year old, I do anything alone, lol.