Nic Narrates

I realized something on vacation last week, and just as it’s happened before, it was in conversation with strangers.

After about three days of “¿donde está su novio?” and “¿por qué no tiene esposo?” I found myself bemused by everyone’s apparent concern turned interest turned envy at my single status. Where IS my boyfriend, I joked while looking around. Have you found him for me yet? And what of that husband? No tiene buena suerte? Yeah, me neither.

But that’s about when the oddest thing happened. As these inquiring strangers would follow up their initial questions with what I want in a guy (mostly by guys who presumably were testing how they’d stack up), I realized I want a lot actually. I contend that it is not too much however. Honesty, commitment, light-heartedness, passion, independence, balance, and sharing. I just don’t want all of those things from or with someone else right now.

Instead, I’m not looking at all for the moment. In fact, I’d really just like to be left alone thank you very much. And I’m totally okay with that. The Canadian Guppies I told this to (they were all of 22 and, as it is, we know how well that‘s gone for me already) were quiet for a moment before suggesting I have another drink and perhaps my needs would change. Not likely. My drink and I contentedly skipped down the beach alone.

So that’s how it is for me. I’m embracing my single status. Hugging it close as a dear and potentially fleeting thing. A precious commodity that won’t be so easily cast off anymore. I do feel badly for the one who will really like me someday, who actually can be loyal and truthful, who has the ability, desire, and wherewithal to make and keep his commitments.

But I won’t be giving up my single life, only to wind up envying those who still enjoy but take for granted theirs. I won’t turn into George Bailey, the would-be world traveler who had his wings clipped by familial duty and an inconvenient love, grumpily storming through the house one day complaining, “You call this a happy family? Why do we have all these kids anyway?”

Without making trite declarations, I’ll simply say that I’ve finally realized that being single and still in my twenties, living on my own, having the exceptional freedoms of no car, no mortgage, no boyfriend, husband, ex-husband, children, or pets- I’ve somehow got quite a valuable thing….me. And I can be anyone, do anything, go anywhere I please. At least for now.

Filed under: a thing of beauty, awesomeness, boys suck, break ups suck more, crossroads, domesticity is overrated, fanciness, just say 'when', singletons, things people say, this is now, work in progress by Nic