[Noun] Valentine's Day, My [Adjective] [Plural Noun]
Friday, February 13th, 2009Because I heart you guys, I’ve whipped up a little valentine of my own for you. Do it with the one you love, with your best friend, with a co-worker (just don’t get fired), or even with that hot girl at Argo (that was for you, Emo). Be as naughty or as nice as you like. And, feel free to cut and paste yours in the comments!
To my [adjective] Valentine, [Proper Name]:
Ever since I [verb- past tense] you [term of endearment], I’ve wanted to [verb-present tense] and [verb-present tense] you each day. To me, you are a(n) [adjective] [noun-singular] and it makes me want to [adverb] [verb- present tense] that/those [adjective] [body part] of yours.
You are like [annual event] to me. You smell like a(n) [adjective] [noun]. And your [body part] remind(s) me of a(n) [adjective] [profession] I once knew. And whenever we [verb- present tense], I [adverb] want to shout “[exclamation]!!!!” and give you a(n) [sign of appreciation].
Which is why I [adverb] want to [verb- present tense] you [preposition] the [location] with [number] [noun-plural]. It’s totally [adjective]- I read about it on craigslist.
So this Valentine’s Day, here’s hoping we [verb] [adverb] so I can [verb] you until you’re [adjective]– maybe even [number] times (if I get a nap first)! In fact, if you’ll let me, I’d [adverb] like to [verb- present tense] your [adjective] [body part]. That’s just how much I feel [emotion] for you, [term of endearment]!
xoxo,
Your [adjective] [noun]
Here’s the one that Emo and I came up with….
To my voluptuous Valentine, Jenna Fischer:
Ever since I fucked you Pookie, I’ve wanted to spoon and scratch you each day. To me, you are a sultry taco and it makes me want to longingly smack those fluorescent boobs of yours.
You are like Wrestle Mania to me. You smell like an effervescent ski-mask. And your special area #2 reminds me of a cherry-red Cinnabon Employee I once knew. And whenever we tamp, I heartily want to shout “If you smell what the Rock is cooking!!!!” and give you a pat on the butt.
Which is why I merrily want to stroke you on the fourth floor with 233 blenders. It’s totally sharp- I read about it on craigslist.
So this Valentine’s Day, here’s hoping we thrash horizontally so I can squat you until you’re shiny– maybe even four times (if I get a nap first)! In fact, if you’ll let me, I’d mightily like to thrust your squishy special area #3. That’s just how much I feel anguish for you, Honey Lips!
xoxo,
Your Juicy Pomegranate
Ooh, Valentine’s Mad Libs! Fun! I’ll have to see how this turns out …
“…here’s hoping we thrash horizontally so I can squat you until you’re shiny”
Holy crap, that’s amazing. I’m gonna start using that line, it’s sure-fire.
HAHAHA this is funny
Absolutely genius.
Loves it!