This is a Tough One
Tuesday, October 28th, 2008Six years. Three states. Five jobs. Three layoffs. Two firings. Three apartments. One rental house. And one home on the market two years this February. My Dad was laid off yesterday. Again.
I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, it’s happening to everyone now, but it’s been six years of this for my parents. And I just don’t even know what to say to them anymore.
It’s a lot for them, and as much as I love my parents, I have to admit, they’re falling apart and can’t cope. They still believe that businesses should be loyal to their employees and customers, that any act of ruthlessness in the world is a personal attack on them. On top of this, they’re both emotionally unstable and refuse to seek help from that “quackery” they call psychiatry. I’m on the verge of force-feeding them both some Zoloft.
Which speaks to one of the things I struggle with most in my life: the role I play in my family. My parents seem to lose their way in a crisis and use me as their outlet for venting and look to me to guide their next steps. At first, it made me feel good to be there for them, it felt grown up. But it’s gotten to be too much. Over time, I’ve grown exhausted, resentful, guilt-ridden, and tapped out.
I want to be there for them, to help them, but what I really want is to simply be their daughter.
You poor thing, I feel your pain. My mother has treated me as her confidante since my childhood. She seeks my advice on her bad marriages, strained relations with her relatives, even parenting my brothers. In return, she is incapable of being a source of comfort to me in even the smallest crisis. It’s exhausting, but I don’t see how it will ever change because this is the relationship she wants to have with me. I, like you, would prefer to be a daughter.
I’m sorry to hear you’re in the same boat. I completely feel for you.
I don’t know if it would help you, but I’ve really been trying to push the problem-solving back on them, saying stuff like “I’m sure you guys will figure it out. I have complete faith in you.”
It’s hard though- it feels like a cop out and like I’m being condescending. But I don’t know what else to do.
im so sorry nic. this is a tough position to be in… wanting to be both supportive and a confidant to your parents, but mostly just a daughter.
here’s hoping things look up soon.