Nic Narrates

A friend of mine, going through a break up, wrote to me the other day. Struggling with the disparity between what they want, what they’ve always envisioned, for themselves and what their life has shaped up to be thus far, it was an email that I could have written, that many of us could have written at some point in our lives. It happened at 21 and then again at 27 for me.

“Another break-up. How did I get here? I didn’t want to be 32 and single. When I was in high school I saw myself married and having kids by the time I was this age, with a yard to take care of and Little League on the weekends…I try to do things the right way, but I can’t seem to nail down this whole love thing. Why don’t I let people in?

The funny part is, I don’t think I’m sad about it. But I’m sad about not being sad about it. This person was wonderful. The only real problem, as she put it, was that she liked me a lot more than I liked her. And I couldn’t even argue that it wasn’t true. “

Yes, my friend is a guy- an ex-boyfriend actually. And although he and I are now both single and adrift in the dating world again, we’re not alone in our fears about having missed the boat.

As it turns out, women aren’t the only ones who worry about these things; guys do too. And some of them, like my friend who has ever been the writer, are able to articulate it in ways that transcend gender and cry out for empathy.

I’m glad he and I have kept in touch over the years. He was there for me at a pivotal point in my life and knows my soul, my sadnesses, my joys. I’m glad to have the chance to be there for him too and that he chose me to confide in. But he did so because all his other friends are married and have kids now. Except for him. Except for me.

“I think it’s time you finally learned how to swim,” I replied.

Filed under: break ups suck more, crash and burn, crossroads, friends, in memory, singletons, things people say, write on by Nic