Nic Narrates

Eleven years of exes, so many things unsaid:

Even though we agreed to never contact one another again, I still think of you from time to time and wonder how you are.

Sometimes when you’d kiss me, I’d scrunch up my nose in as-yet-unrealized disgust, then mock smile to cover it up when you’d catch me.

I invited you to stay on my couch after you’d had too much to drink. I was happy you forgot the couch wouldn’t be delivered until Wednesday.

I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire. You genuinely cared for me and I treated you frivolously.

When you called me by your ex’s name, I cringed, but ended up taking it as a compliment.

I don’t fault you for not being more assertive. But taking custody of my friends for fear you’d lose your own was ruthless and spineless.

You’re the only guy I’ve ever been with to validate myself. It worked. But of all my relationships, you’re the one I regret.

I realize now I undervalued your quiet and thoughtful merits. I still don’t think you were right for me, but my guilt sometimes plays tricks on my better judgement.

I never cheated on you, but for a long time, when I rightly suspected you were, I wanted to.

Filed under: crash and burn, dirty laundry, kiss and blog, singletons, the sex, things people say by Nic