Message in a Bottle
Monday, August 25th, 2008Today is your birthday. You were never mine, and I was never more to you than your dad’s on-again/ off-again girlfriend, but I will always remember this day as yours.
And I’ll always remember the day we took you to see where you were born, where you first lived as a baby, and the year you raced out of your bedroom dressed up for your fancy grown up birthday dinner. In my mind, I’m imagining how much taller you must be this birthday and which sport and subject is your new favorite.
It’s strange not knowing you and not having you in my life anymore. You’ve been such a light and have changed me in ways I’m still realizing. I worry that you’ll think the silence I keep means I never cared, that I didn’t want you to be a part of my life, or that I gave up on you and your dad. I worry that you will forget me, or that someday you will find reason to hate me.
I’ve had a difficult time saying good bye to you. I can’t. Loving you and letting you go is an entirely different heartache from letting your dad go. It’s a yet unresolved piece of the break up I feel keenly.
But if I could, I would tell you over this silence and distance that I love you, that you are still the cutest boy ever, and that I miss you terribly. Every day.
Oh dear this is just… lovely. What a beautiful love letter. I’m sure that this child knows how much they mean to you. I can tell just from your writing. So well said.
Wow, this is so beautiful. I’m sure in the months and years to come you’ll cross paths again and have a chance to say some of this to him.