Nic Narrates

So I’ve been dating and I’m at the point where it’s begun to feel…….limiting. And it’s making me restless. Like one of those infuriating girls in a novel who has the good luck to meet and charm the “good on paper” guy, only to lope off with a drummer or a grad student or an ex-boyfriend. That’s me.

The guy I’ve been seeing casually, North Shore we’ll call him, is one of those guys- a “good on paper” type. Successful at his job, a Chicago condo owner, close to his family (if to a fault), and with the recommendations of our mutual friends; North Shore is a decent person who treats me well and has, it turns out, had a crush on me since we met three years ago. And although I hadn’t really planned on dating so soon, I found myself less afraid of the prospect when dating again presented itself with him.

That said, I’ve reached an impasse. I’m at the point where you step aside and say to yourself, “if we keep this up, what’s ahead?” There’s the immediate future, the next four to six months: the weddings, double dates with the already marrieds, the holidays. And the likelihood of the next year: moving in, getting a dog, decorating. And then there’s that day with the three-months salary diamond (because everything he does is quite proper), followed by a move to the North Shore (can you hear my groan from there?).

I’m supposed to want all of that. I’m supposed to appreciate it’s stability, especially in light of so much previous instability. And maybe I’ve finally learned my lesson there. The thing is though, while it’s not exactly wrong, it’s not exactly right either.

My uncertainty about North Shore stems from my recent realization that we really don’t have all that much in common. Whereas I love the arts, reading, travel, riding my bike, checking out events around Chicago, and good wine and fancy restaurant food; he likes to stay home, watch the Cubs and the Bears, drink beer and eat take out bar food, and generally avoids crowds and anything associated with them. He doesn’t cook. Ever. He doesn’t even know where his grocery store is. He doesn’t dance and he doesn’t like the outdoors. And he doesn’t want kids until he’s 35 (yikes).

In contrast, I’ve only been able to gather that we both like the beach, napping, Scrabble, and dogs. Is that enough? Should it matter?

I’ve never dated someone with whom I have so little in common. And because it’s been casual thus far, it hasn’t been a problem. But now that an invite to a destination wedding in the near future has been extended, I can’t help but begin to freak out. I’m concerned about allowing him to purchase my ticket and the commitment it locks me into for the next two months.

Maybe it’s that I’m a girl who needs a bit more excitement. Or maybe I need a better balance between a stable future and the freedom to shape it at the same time. Whatever it is, I can’t shake the feeling of being held down, boxed up, tucked away. I can’t shake the part of me that needs more. Someone I can travel with, cook dinner with, dance with. Something or someone who doesn’t leave me wondering “is this all there is?”

Also, he’s a Republican.

Filed under: crossroads, kiss and blog, singletons by Nic