Nic Narrates

Dear God/ Omnipotent/ Third-party/ Carebear Neighbor/ Man-Woman-Person-Thing:

So hi. It’s me. You know, the BIRTHDAY GIRL. Yeah, so far it’s been a pretty awesome day and all despite the apocolyse cloud-cover this morning and the raging heat that is descending on my fine city. Oh, and the whole bird pooping on my arm thing. Speaking of….

Did I, like, piss you off or something? ‘Cause it’s my birthday and you, like, let a bird take its morning dump on me. Maybe you were busy and didn’t notice, so let me paint you a picture.

There I was in my fancy birthday dress (because I always wear a dress on my birthday, but you already knew that) hauling ass from the train station to work with my cupcake carrier in tow, thinking to myself: “Myself, I think it just might start raining. It sure looks like it’s going to…..AHA! The first rain drop! Wait a minute, that’s not water. That’s…..SHIT!”

Maybe it was the time I used your name in vain or that time I didn’t go to church on Easter or how I used to want an Earth-killing SUV before I knew any better…I don’t know…there’s just so many things you could be pissy with me about. Take your pick, right? Hahaha.

In short, I hope we can be friends again and you could, maybe, I don’t know….have birds go back to not shitting on me. That was nice. Can we do that again?

Thanks and “You” Bless,

The Birthday Girl

P.S. Also, thank you for making Tivo.

Filed under: a thing of beauty, hellacious fun, in transit, Just Another Day in Crazy, no birthday tears please, WTF by Nic