Nic Narrates

I’m swimming in a sea of wedding registries. Soup tureens. Fluted stemware. Salad spinners. A Nintendo Wii (people, you don’t have to get married to get one). Satin Balance flatware. Matte pointelle fine bone china. The Magic Bullet (not that magic bullet- the one “as seen on TV”). Spatulas, gravy ladles, napkin rings, chargers, decanters, pepper mills, butter dishes. A chainsaw (seriously).

WeddingPalooza ’08 has hit its stride. Wedding #1 (gift card- got to the registry too late) culminated in mid January, and Wedding #2 (pancake batter dispenser, batter bowl, spatulas, silicone oven mitt, and dish towels- because she loves pancakes and makes really good ones) takes place Sunday. And now it’s onto the next: I’m perusing options for Wedding #3 and #4 for August, with shower gifts to be purchased for June and July respectively.

In general, I’m of the mindset that wedding presents should be memorable, personal, and useful. But each of the couples comprising WeddingPalooza ’08 also cohabitate (in one case for five years), which means they already have a lot of this stuff anyway.

So, I was thinking, how funny would it be if “the couple who already has everything” registered at, oh, I don’t know….Skymall for example. They could request such fine items as…

This classy decorative wall hanging; only $98.95:


Or this hot dog cart for a whopping $499.99, which could also serve as an extra source of income during the summer months:

Or this mini big foot sculpture for the garden, available now at the affordable price of $98.95:


Or perhaps even a new-fangled “Litter Robot” ($299.99) for the cat-loving couple:


I mean, who wouldn’t want these prizes of domestic bliss?

In all seriousness though, I really do love picking out the perfect card and present and wrapping it up all fancy like. I’ve just reached the point where I can’t keep everyone’s shower and wedding presents and registries separate. And the floor of my bedroom is beginning to look like I’ve registered at Crate & Barrel!

Note: No, you can’t register at Skymall (yet), but you can set up a “wishlist” (for one of these perhaps?).

Filed under: cohabitation, engaging boyfriends, friends, hellacious fun, singletons, they call it "art", wedding hell by Nic