Nic Narrates

Toolbag Wednesdays

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

For whatever reason, March was a banner month for toolbag encounters in my world, so I’ve decided to share the wealth each Wednesday when all this toolbaggery tended to occur (i.e., “What a toolbag…oh, well of course…it’s Wednesday).

For example, March’s toolbags would have included Elliot Spitzer for obvious reasons, the Texas men’s basketball team for not whooping Memphis last weekend, and stupid people in general who plagiarize blogs. You get the picture.

So, to kick off the first Toolbag Wednesday, the inaugural recipient is:

Heidi Montag!!!! (In my world, chicks can be toolbags too.)

Seen here with her pseudo-boyfriend, Spencer (I say “pseudo” because, as you know from this week’s The Hills episode- or for those of you out of the loop or who pretend to be “above it”- Spencer moved out of their shared apartment because Heidi wanted “some space”), Heidi is blissfully unaware that he may in fact have his eye on somebody else’s taco (yeah, that’s right, I said it).

And this is where the toolbag qualification comes in. Somehow to Heidi, calling off their engagement, kicking him out of their apartment, and refusing to see or speak to him STILL means they’re together and he shouldn’t date other people.

Is she fucking kidding me? How does that logic work? That’s not a feminist hero, that’s just plain stupid. And when guys pull that shit and string women along, it’s not only not commended, it’s grounds for really creative retaliation for wasting our time (let that be a warning to all would-be offenders).

I realize it sounds like I’m coming in on Spencer’s side here, but let me assure you nothing is further from the truth. He is the toolshed wherein toolbags are kept. And as much as I enjoy the awkwardness of the above photo, I hold them both accountable for defiling Taco Bell like that. Despicable.

Even so, in a surprising turn of events, I affirm that Heidi, and not Spencer, is the toolbag this week. Turns out on top of her toolbag logic, she’s also a Republican. Makes me *almost* feel bad for McCain.