Nic Narrates

The suitcase I packed last Thursday sits by the door on Wednesday. An ironic metaphor for the relationship between Kit and I.

This morning, I took our vacation off my calendar at work. I’m not going on the cruise. And we’re not going anywhere anymore, together.

When he left me last fall, it killed me. I vowed never again. But then he came back, wanting me after all. Making me believe that he was ready for more…with me. But he never was ready and it was never “right.” And the sliver of hope I clung to then has been undone by his compulsive, negligent indecision.

Still, not wanting that, I don’t want to go through another break up either. A Kit break up is distinctly terrible. Exhausting and embarassing for the repitition.

And my impulse is to go, to run away too, to drown my sorrows- no, not my sorrows, not this time. To drown my anger, disappointment, and insult in a sea of sunshine, solitude, and sangria. But I think for once I’ll stay and enjoy the life I ensured I’d always have without him.

At any rate, I’m leaving my suitcase packed. I don’t know where I’m going next, but I’ll be ready. And I’ll look damn cute in my new sundresses once I get there.

Filed under: boys suck, break ups suck more, crash and burn, hateful, just say 'when', people should be nicer to each other by Nic