Nic Narrates

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day; a particularly rancorous time of year for Kit and I. Five years of off/ on yo-yoing has shown this quite clearly. Maybe it’s due to the lack of sunlight, the surplus of single digit weather, or the looming tax season. Whichever it may be, our tendency is to break up a week or two before or after Feb. 14. There hasn’t been a single year we haven’t asked ourselves whether to keep that hard-won dinner reservation and risk the penalty of a last minute cancellation.

Tomorrow is no different, I’m afraid.

Though we’ve only been back together about six weeks now, we’re at the same impass as before. It is a universal truth that no matter how many times we part and reconnect, the challenges we face as a couple remain. Time is a great healer, but some things always remain.

Given that, it might not seem worthwhile anymore. For me, however, the worth of the pursuit has been just as constant. The pursuit of who we want to be as a couple, the pursuit of hope, of love and acceptance, of patience, of forgiveness, and of kindness.

I don’t often write of the travails of our relationship directly, and I won’t here now. He’s a reader, so it’s difficult to write openly and honestly and with respect to his own point of view. But today I’d like to step away from my typical misgivings, if only for a moment.

Today I’d like to take the opportunity to assert to him (hi, honey) and to you (my handful of occasional readers) that he is and always has been the most worthwhile pursuit. And that the pursuit instead for someone or something different or better, of something new or “strange” has always fallen away because he is the one I’ve always wanted and fought for, the one I’ve mourned the loss of, and the one I appreciate and adore. He is my home.

And because of that, year after year, I keep our dinner reservation.

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