Nic Narrates

It can be pretty scary out there, what with all the soul-sucking blind dates, shamelessly cryptic Match profiles, drunken bar advances, third-date-will-I-won’t-I-dances, date ‘n dash speed dating whatchamacallits, and “friendly” set ups. In instances like these, a single gal can get A LOT of advice…most of it really, really bad…

• Make a list of everything you have to have in a person and, POOF!, you’ll find Him.
• Grease the wheels a little bit–just get pregnant!
• Don’t ever call Him, let Him call you. And then, don’t answer.
• It’s when you’re not looking that you’ll find Him, you know.
• It’s not you….it’s THEM.
• Make sure you reign Him in early on, or you’ll never have any control.
• Find a hobby, not a man.
• A little jealousy never hurt anyone–go ahead and flirt!
• He’s out there for you. Just give it time!

It can be dizzying to say the least (that “get pregnant” one was pretty epic), but the thing is, beneath all the game playing, the “He said, She saids,” and the terrible and not-so-terrible break ups, we all just want to be loved and accepted for who we actually are.

We want someone who will love us even though we are known to waste a Sunday in our I-have-cramps-sweatpants, without having applied concealer, while gnawing on a king size Snickers bar and watching Platinum Weddings on WeTV. We want someone who won’t care that we swear at old ladies in traffic, who isn’t afraid of the presence of our shampoo in their shower, who recognizes a girl’s need to talk to her mother nearly everyday, and who will never, NEVER question just how many pairs of shoes we really need.

Looking for someone like that can be scary indeed. I mean, what if He doesn’t exist?

But being alone can be scary too. One day, you wake up and suddenly that sprint toward happiness with The One has turned into a marathon. As it turns out, you may have gotten used to being alone, so it’s not as frightening anymore, but you’re still chasing that distant horizon. And you’re exhausted.

And then, there is perhaps the scariest thing of all. Actually finding Him.

Maybe you’re boisterously thanking your lucky stars, jumping up and down, squealing into the phone to your friends. Or maybe you’re quietly holding your tongue, afraid to jinx it. Either way, He’s there and He’s yours.

He’s the one you’ve let close enough to see your imperfections, learn your quirks, find out your secret thoughts and beliefs. He’s the one who knows how you cry at the ballet for its beauty, how you always have more to say than you do, and how you change the channel when embarrassed for someone on American Idol.

You’re happy, but it’s tempered with the fear you won’t know what to do with that. You’re afraid now that you’ll fuck it up. Or that He will. Or something worse. You’re afraid it won’t last and you’ll be on your own again. You’re afraid of how much it will hurt, how far you will fall, how stricken you will be. But most of all, you’re afraid of wondering, now that you know it exists, if you’ll ever have it again.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Filed under: it's never "Just Lunch", singletons by Nic