Nic Narrates

Dear US Weekly:

Thank you for your recent web posting and COVER ARTICLE, “Hollywood Dating Hell.” Gotta hand it to your team of reporters; you guys really hit the ball out of the park on this one!

Not only were you able to address the increasingly disturbing and maladjusted single/ divorced/ separated status of some of Hollywood’s most well-known bachelorettes, you were somehow also able to cash in on the utter hopelessness and failure we single women are all forced to endure each time Justin is found carousing, J Lo tries her hand at marriage-5′s a charm!, and Britney settles for dating “the back-up dancer/ manny/ bodyguard/ sound-mixer.”

I commend you for raising the timely question, “if Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston can’t find a guy, is there any hope for the rest of us?” I mean, who doesn’t wake up in the morning and wonder that while brushing her teeth?

It reminds me of the day the Pitt-Aniston separation was announced and my unmarried, 32-year-old, big-boned, dog-loving, charity-supporting co-worker exclaimed with genuine exasperation, “I. GIVE. UP. If Brad and Jen can’t make it work, I don’t know how any of us will!”

Seeing as celebrity marriages are typically models of dedication, loyalty, and compromise, it’s refreshing to be let off the hook for our own inability to “lock it down” when even these gals can’t keep it together.

By the way, kudos on the title!

Yours truly,

Ms. Nic, Esq.

P.S. I’m sure Cameron, Jennifer, and Jessica join me in gratitude for your fair and balanced reporting of their woeful lives with the [literally] dangling image of newlywed Rebecca Romijn Stamos O’Connell romping in her wedding gown above their heads.

Filed under: boys suck, break ups suck more, singletons, US Weekly by Nic