Nic Narrates

Do you like me? ___ Yes ___ No ___ Maybe so

Ahhh, the olden days. The brazenness. The honesty. The forthrightness. Granted, you’d then sit there with that giddiness and anxiety of having the note passed back to you, fingers crossed that he’d check “yes” or at the very least “maybe so” so you could chase him down and then kiss him after a rousing game of tire tag at recess.

But now that we’re adults, things have gotten more involved, more risky, and more meaningful. Sometimes I think it might be nice to just pass him a note that is the essential “What’s up? Do you want to be with me or not? ____ Yes ___ No ____ Maybe so,” but then I realize, who really wants the “maybe so” anyway?

Nevertheless, knowing how a guy feels about me is hands down absolutely essential to me continuing a relationship. I just can’t cross the threshold of emotional involvement until I know that he has. Are you with me? I’m not of the variety who ventures to say “I love you” first.

Now that 30 looms, we’re rounding up around here in preparation, I find this a bit surprising, okay, alarming…What does it all mean? Am I a commitment phobe? Yikes!

Or maybe I’ve just had a hard time with those who have said it to me…

Or how about this one:

And:

Or the guy who thought love was an equation wherein if you solved for x it meant that love = sex and sex = love (if this is true, what’s the formula for fuck buddies?).

Despite all this wussiness on my part, I’ve never thoughtlessly flung my heart at the feet of my beloved, nor said those oft used words without meaning them. Paradoxically, what I have said without meaning is “I don’t love you anymore.” I took my figurative Crayola and drew a big fat line through my “yes” and, like a spitball, threw it back at him.

And it was the most difficult, most painful lie I’ve ever told.