Money Pain = Hunger Pain?
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007So, I’m kinda bad with money. Okay, I am. And what better time to talk about it than on Tax Day?
Things have been extraordinarily tight around here lately, not because I broke down and bought that damn Banana Republic trench coat that teases me relentlessly (you bastard!), but because I owe a lot of money to one person in particular. That and I’ve just begun school again. And I still have rent. And previous student loans. And car insurance. And parking tickets. And phone bills. And utilities. And transportation costs. And co-pays. And…the list goes on and on.
I’ve been working very hard, pushing myself, to pay back the money I owe as soon as possible. Over the past month, I’ve wracked my brain as to how I might accomplish this feat more quickly. I’ve tried to sell valuables on eBay, which hasn’t proven lucrative at all (I’ve actually been flagged as “a precaution” because my sudden genuine name brand offerings might be fake from their perspective). I’ve spoken with my parents, who want to help, but just refinanced their 700K house yesterday. I thought about getting a second job, but with my schedule, when? I don’t even buy the shoes I gave up for Lent anymore– and Lent has been over for 9 whole days!
Stopping short of selling myself, I’ve found no way of alleviating my current situation. Okay, I probably could get rid of my cable, Internet, Tivo, Netflix, and home phone, but seriously?
The stress of this daily reality has been taking a toll on me. For over 5 weeks now I’ve been getting sick each time I eat…a flare up of a more lingering illness I’ve had for over 9 years (not an eating disorder I must assert). But I’ve also not had much of a grocery budget either. Pathetic, I know. But it’s typically the first place I go when money is short, especially when I just get sick every time I eat anyway. As I fork over 98% of each paycheck to my bills and debts, putting anything on a fork has become a challenge. You can’t be serious, you’re thinking. Well….
It’d be really easy to feel sorry for myself here, but I’m not a victim. At least, not a victim of anyone or anything other than myself. And I’m not starving by any means. I eat about a meal and a half a day, and most days I work straight through lunch and go home to watch TV before bed instead of having dinner. I’ve actually managed to get by on Cream of Wheat, PB&Js, free coffee at work, milk, and Kool-Aid. Every once in awhile I’ll find something I forgot I had, like some old fudgsicles or crackers or macaroni noodles. No matter what anyone makes of this, I’m proud of my ability to keep myself going rather than laying down and crying about it.
But this morning as I dressed for work, I saw the past month’s alarming impact. I’ve moved four belt notches.
A lot of people diet. A lot of people wish they could lose weight, I tell myself. But as a shrinking size 0, I’ve never been one of those people. So whatever delusions have been allowing me to operate as I have been can continue no longer. Bills or not, I have to eat.
Eeeew. I don’t envy you. ‘Tis a tough one. My father used to tell us a story about a car he had as a young man– some kinda hot muscle car. He adored the car, but blew the engine. He was broke and had to borrow money from a friend to have the car repaired. My dad was an amazing man and taught us that honor and relationships are more important than material things and money.
He loved that car. but the only way to pay his friend back was to sell the car, so he did.
Food is cheap. You need to eat. But I can speak from experience -having to borrow money from a friend is horrible, but having to borrow money and not paying it back is the fastest way to lose a friend.
Good luck nic!
I agree with anon. If the person meant anything at all to me, I’d chew off my right arm and sell it on ebay to be rid of the blasted debt. what got you so pissing short in the first place?
I love your blog btw.
I don’t know how to put this exactly…I’m not so much concerned about saving the relationship as it disintegrated on its own despite the loan; however, I am in, as you say, a rush to bite off my own arm to repay on principle alone.
And like I said…I’m a dumbass with money.
anyone who loans you money may be worth keeping around. those are the friends to keep! (especially if you’re a “dumbass with money”);)
You need cheesecake. Now! x