Nic Narrates

My ex is creeping- has crept- into my blogging network. He’s a regular visitor on any number of sites on my blogroll and yours, posts comments on them, requests adding to blogrolls, even doles out shout outs from time to time. Yes ladies, he can be very charming and charismatic- even in cyberspace it appears.

This is all very unsettling to me. It makes me feel very possessive. It makes me want to stomp up and down, shouting unequivocally:

“I was here first, damn it!”

When we were on one of our infamous breaks last year, he and I each began our own blogs independent of one another. And when we were on one of our infamous returns more recently, he and I each became aware of said blogs at some point, exchanged URLs, and became fellow readers. We’re both very wordy and write quite often, so at a certain point it kinda felt like it was getting, you know…competitive.

“I was here first, damn it! Well, I was…”

And now that we are on another, and more permanent, break; he continues to read my blog (hope you are well, but I really can’t talk to you right now because you’re bad for me), and I continue to read his in “secret,” but am trying to quit because whether he intends to or not, I find myself continually and excessively and UNFAIRLY harmed by his own postings of love lost.

As such, I’d like to say all bets are off. That it’s war. That any reader of either of our blogs is in for quite a soap opera and kudos to you if you can piece the “he said, she said” together online. But, I’m not going to.

Both he and I have more important things to write about, to share, than the breakdown of our love affair. I’m sure it will continue to pop up unannounced in our blogs from time to time, but we have so much more to sing about, to praise, to cry about, to regret, to hope for that…no, to hope for- period.

That said, he’s still on my side of the tracks. I’m not going to fight back, launch into a tirade, or whistle for my fellow Jets to ready their broken bottles for a rumble. But I need to do, need to say, something.

“I was here first, damn it. And I want custody.”

I want custody of the blogging network that I found and in which I participated first. I could write a million things about what it says about his wanting to live in the girls’ treehouse, but it’s not about him anymore. I want custody because the treehouse is filled with women who think like, write like, and dream like me. Because it is both a comfort and a connectedness I’ve never had with the other women in my life from my mom to my grandma to my friends.

Because knowing my ex is somewhere out there reading, commenting, and linking to that connectedness means I also must remain connected to him.

Filed under: blogging about blogging, boys suck, break ups suck more by Nic