Proposals
Monday, February 19th, 2007I got a phone call from you today. You told me that, before I lied, you wanted to marry me. You told me you picked out a ring. You told me that on Saturday you got your money back.
I sat at my desk and listened. I heard you explain that you really do want me. I wouldn’t let myself cry then, but I can’t not cry now. I know I’m the one that hurt you this time, so why does my heart hurt so much?
You want me to fix it. You’re angry at me that I don’t know how. You don’t think I’m trying. But I’m trying so hard to not simply lock myself in the bathroom. I’m trying so hard to be different. But this is all I know.
I wish I knew what to do instead.
No one’s ever wanted to marry me. And now, not even you. I’ve never felt more defective.
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