Losing Touch
Monday, July 24th, 2006She used to be such a close friend. Someone I’d have so much fun with and who seemed happy and full of energy. Now she is quiet and listless, both about her life and her choices. I feel badly because I cannot help her choose to be on her own, choose to find her own career, choose to make her own identity and build her own confidence. She’s floundering.
I used to envy her for her brash attitude and her surety. She is three years younger than me, but when I met her, I needed the loyalty and support she so willingly gave. Am I disloyal for thinking this way about her now?
Our lives have taken us in very different directions. She is hours away now and in a different social sphere. She can’t relate to this life and this environment anymore. She is the one struggling now. And I have to accept that no amount of support can make her realize her unhappiness stems from her refusal to choose what she really wants, as opposed to settling for what chooses her. She is courageous and confidant in so many ways, but she won’t take the most important risk–crafting her own identity and her own life.
After the last six months and the pain, learning, acceptance, and understanding that they’ve brought, I know I cannot make her do anything differently. She has been my friend and I am thankful for her, but I cannot make her take a chance and find real happiness and confidance. I’ve learned to let that thinking go. No matter what she chooses, I sincerely want happiness for her and support any movement toward that. I only wish that those things that would make her most happy would simply find her. But it doesn’t work that way.
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